Oh Gibsonia by Ray Muth

Oh Gibsonia
by
Ray Muth

Happiness is watching the sun rise over a bluebird box full of baby bluebirds. Did you ever have the opportunity to watch a mated pair of bluebirds bob and weave their way to their nest to feed their young every morning? Its too cool.

Oh sorry, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Ray and I just relocated to a wonderful place called Gibsonia which I think is the planet right after Mars in the solar system.

I moved here by accident. I thought I was buying a house in the North Hills but I must have rocketed right by the outer rings of Saturn.

I'm a single guy with three comical golden retrievers. When choosing my new house, I had only one consideration - doggedness. Doggedness is the determination of my three dogs to own me and my home. This was not going to happen to me again. Therefore I decided I needed to move to a place with a couple acres. And just below the Butler County line, Gibsonia has houses with plenty of that.

You don't really cut grass in northeastern Gibsonia. You cut hay and brush. It's a manly type of activity that you do on a tractor. I never used a tractor before and my theory is that it doesn't really matter if you miss a bunch of spots because no one else is around to see it. Ummm..... except for the people that circle around my home from the air. I believe my exquisite lawn work is drawing many to believe that extraterrestrials landed here.

Does asparagus grow wild in Gibsonia? I have a whole bunch of stuff that tastes just like asparagus. I hope that's what it is. The former owners left behind 10 big apple trees (do you know any good-looking, single women that know how to make applesauce) , a plum tree, a cherry tree and a mini grape vineyard. Most of us in Gibsonia have our own health food stores. You don't have to plant anything. Food just automatically grows here.

My first purchase when I moved here - binoculars. Along with spectacular Mr. Bluebird, the former owners must have fed every bird in western PA. Why do they call them "Canadian" geese when they all live in Gibsonia? There are birds and sometimes mammals roaming in my spacious backyard that I have no idea what they are. Did you ever see a flying meatball? That's what a turkey looks like when my dogs decide to flush one out and have a little fun.

Yesterday when I came home from work there was a big black thing playing with my dogs. I thought it was a moving truck. I pulled out my binoculars and it was the biggest cow I have ever seen.

So being the adventurous guy that I am, I decided to go down and inform the cow that she was lost and needed to go home. As I approached the cow, I noticed these funny horns over her ears. Hmmm... I didn't think cows had horns. After some loud snorting, I figured out the she was really a he. I promptly apologized and told him it was fine to stay on my property as long as he wanted.

The real fun in Gibsonia begins after dark. The sound of frogs in the ponds below is enchanting. The sound of weird little animals apparently trying to tunnel through my underground water tank is not. I keep hoping whatever these things are can't bite through whatever is holding my water supply together.

My dogs awaken me every hour at night because they believe they have infrared vision. They now have me convinced that along with the skunks, raccoons and opossums that are frequenting my backyard under the cloak of darkness, we also have badgers, wolverines and bears. Everyone keeps telling me I don't have these things in Gibsonia but I say they've never lived beyond Pluto.

So when you turn on the nature channel and see this funny guy roaming around with animals, swinging from apple trees with a bluebird on his shoulder, that would be me reporting from my new outpost in Gibsonia.

E-Mail Ray